Back to One

It has been four months since my last post.

Four months since I even logged onto this blog.

How fitting that my last post was about being “Consistently Inconsistent

A lot has happened since then. A lot that swept me away into the currents of daily life – mostly, my job – where I was very much struggling not to drown. It got rough, and there were days where I had no idea how I was feasibly going to make it through. Days where I forgot how to be a person, beyond waking up, doing my work as best I could for over 10, 12, 14 hours a day, and going to bed feeling like an abject failure.

Until I’d had enough.

With no backup job lined up, no real idea of what I wanted to do or where I wanted to work, I resigned.

Since I first made the decision, and had the conversation, it’s been remarkable how good it felt. The work still sucked, the days were still long and often bad, but I could finally see a light at the end of the tunnel.

I could finally see how much of my life, my health, and my emotional well-being I had sacrificed (pretty much all of it) for the sake of this one place.

Most importantly, I could finally see how much life there was out there to live. All the opportunities that were waiting, and people who truly cared and were willing to share those opportunities with me. The books to read, the places to experience, the people worth connecting and reconnecting with.

I don’t have it all figured out yet. I’m still not 100% sure where my life is heading come February end, when my notice period is officially over and I’m free.

But I do feel… comforted by the endless possibility.

And, for the first time in a long time, hope.

So here I am again, rekindling the pieces of myself I had set aside, trying to get to know myself and my passions again.

Starting over, one more time.